I embarked on my PhD journey in the midst of a transition into motherhood with my second child-my son only a few months old and my daughter beginning her own educational chapter of kindergarten. The fears I carried about succeeding in both these new realms of my life were deeply intertwined with a sense of joy and excitement for what lay ahead. For many, academic institutions can feel unwelcoming and exclusionary, shaped by notions of gatekeeping and looming hierarchies. I, too, felt this sense of uncertainty, questioning my entry into the doctoral program. Was I actually good enough to be here? Could I manage all aspects of my busy life without falling behind in some? Would I miss out on critical moments when my kids need me by choosing to go back to school?
How did I survive my first year, with all my uncertainties and a dash of anticipation? Community and grace, that is how I made it through the loop of change. I succeeded not only because of sheer determination, hard work, and lots of coffee, but because I was able to lean on community and support from my loved ones. I asked for help, leaned into my peers when I had questions and concerns, and set boundaries for myself regarding the workload that I was taking on, both at home and at school. I started to accept that I was not, and did not have to be, superwoman, super mom, super wife, and super student. I offered myself the grace to say no and to rest. There were days I could wear all my hats with ease, and others when they were simply too heavy—when I needed another head to share the weight, or just space to breathe and enjoy the moments. I also celebrated the wins and relished the times when I felt content, at ease and, dare I say, thriving in all my new roles. I began to recognize that the journey ahead of me is a long, demanding path that will be filled with a great deal of uncertainty but with intention and openness, it will be sprinkled with an array of success and a lot of growth and knowledge sharing.
In my previous degrees, I was always focused on finishing with urgency, whereas; with this particular journey, I understand that time will enable me to cultivate the skills, knowledge and collective that I need to be successful. Learning is not meant to be a solitary endeavor, especially for those students who are parents, caregivers and providers for others. It can feel overwhelming when you think of nourishing others along with yourself, but feeding your own soul is crucial to your happiness. There are so many resources and so many people who want you to succeed, and who have the skills to share so that you can adapt to the shifts in your life. Be kind to yourself and seek out the things and the people that bring you joy in your academic journey because that is ultimately how we shape community and hold space for transformation. I’m still learning. I’ve certainly made mistakes, but I survived my first year and walked away with so many new parts of myself, along with valuable knowledge and insights from those around me. Their voices, stories and advice will be essential in succeeding in my own academic journey.